Looking for boring
Spanish classes
in Madrid?
Well…
...this is definitely...
the wrong place.
This story is a bit crazy…
and honestly,
I’m a little ashamed to tell it.
But I have to.
(Specially if your name is John, John Green)
It was 2008 in Madrid, and I was walking down the street, minding my own business,
when suddenly a tourist*…
*guiri (Any tourist in Spain who believes “mañana” means “maybe)
…ran out of a laundromat and…, well, he took me.
Literally and draged me inside, like it was a matter of life and death.
He asked, in a rush:
“Do you speak proper English?”
And of course, I said : “Yes, of course!”
(Although, even after all these years… I’m not so sure about that.)
He explained that he didn’t speak a word of Spanish and had to catch a flight to London right now.
But the lady from the laundromat had his clothes.
All his clothes.
And he needed them ya mismo, like NOW.
So there I was, acting like some kind of UN interpreter.
I explained the situation to the lady, and she told me, not very kindly,
that the clothes were still washing,
and that it was
imposible, imposible
to open the machine mid-cycle.
“¡No se puede! The underpants are still dirty!”
It was a matter of life and death for John, el guiri confuso,
but the señora was absolutely unshakable.
I failed miserably as a peace negotiator.
John was getting desperate, speaking in gibberish-English
that even I barely understood, and the señora… well, she couldn’t have cared less.
Finally, he looked at me and said:
“Please, wait for the washing to finish and send it to me.”
Then, here comes the best part: he gave me money.
A lot.
Like, all he had on him.
A crisp 200 euros.
He also gave me his phone number…
…which I wrote down…
wait for it…
wait…
here it comes…
badly
So John Green.
(I think is your name)
Believe it or not…
17 years later,…
John Green,…
I still have your clothes.
If you’re out there, please get in touch.
Your laundry is safe.
I promise.
And before you think I’m just another Spanish scammer
who kept a guiri’s money…
no, no, no.
I’m just a Spanish girl with English confusion.
So listen to me
A boring Spanish class won´t help you in this or any other situation.
Believe me, I know what I am talking about
Classes don’t prepare you for real life
This is not a language class.
This is not a tour.
This is a full cultural and language experience
you will never forget.
Your Spanish on the go
Real Spanish. Real Places. Real People.
I’m not here to teach boring grammar in a classroom.
I’m here to help you live the language!
If you want Spanish lessons go to that app with the stalker owl
If you’re looking for stories to tell, stay here.
Why lock yourself in a room for 25 hours…
…surrounded by strangers, doing grammar exercises, and feeling too tired to explore the city?
There’s a better way.
Let’s speak Spanish by living it!
We’ll explore the real Madrid — together.
We’ll walk through the streets, talk to locals, eat amazing food, and learn Spanish in real-life situations.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a complete beginner or if you know some Spanish already.
I’ll adapt everything to your level and make sure you feel confident and comfortable.
Hola, soy Monica,
tu amiga de Madrid
And yes… I’m a bit rara.
I love anecdotes, strange traditions,
and little stories that make Madrid
unique.
So if you’re looking for a amiga to
take you by the hand and show you the city’s rarezas…
I’m your persona.
Madrid is not only about monuments.
It’s about crazy bars, food rituals, and the stories madrileños tell after dos vinos.
That’s the Madrid you’ll find with me.
Madrid is not just a city for me—it’s part of my life, my stories, my memories.
And now, I share them with you.
Lets start here
Guiri (noun): A pale human spotted in Spain wearing socks with sandals, holding a map, and saying “grassy-ass” instead of gracias.
What you’ll find in the No Guiris Madrid Guide
Dónde comer tapas de verdad. Where to eat real tapas → en un bar grasiento (greasy bar), de pie (standing up), con un mar de servilletas en el suelo (sea of napkins on the floor).
Parks & chill. Del Retiro con barquitas (little boats) al teleférico en Casa de Campo (cable car in Casa de Campo), hasta siestas bajo los árboles con cerveza en mano (naps under the trees with a beer in hand).
Markets & shopping. El Rastro con tesoros imposibles (flea market with impossible treasures), Gran Vía con luces y caos (Gran Vía with lights and chaos), y un outlet donde vuelves pobre pero fashion (and an outlet where you come back broke but stylish).
Cool neighborhoods. La Latina, Malasaña, Chueca, Lavapiés… cada barrio con su historia, locura y lugares secretos. Each neighborhood with its history, madness, and secret spots.
Mini-glosario Spanglish. Palabras y expresiones para sobrevivir como un local (words and expressions to survive like a local) — o al menos fingir que lo eres (or at least pretend you are one).
Cultura madrileña sin filtros. Fiestas, vermut de grifo (vermouth on tap), botellón (drinking in the street), la movida madrileña (the crazy 80s cultural explosion)… todo lo que no viene en una guía turística. All the things you won’t find in a tourist guide.
Get your guide and I will tell you more inside
The city is the classroom.
What does a day with me look like?
Step into the enchanting Plaza de Canalejas! Embark on a journey through Madrid’s vibrant 19th-century streets. Immerse yourself in a world of creativity and artistry. Discover the hustle and bustle of artisans crafting Spanish Guitars, exquisite gloves, stylish hats, and decadent chocolates. Prepare to be amazed at the theatrical spectacle unfolding in this square, unrivaled anywhere else in the world. Indulge in the flavors of Spain as you savor delectable tapas and sip on exquisite Spanish wines. Experience the timeless charm of Madrid’s oldest taverns, where tradition has thrived for over two centuries.
This is not just a trip, it’s an unforgettable adventure that will leave you craving for more!
From the spot where Lorca savored his last meal to the world’s oldest restaurant, you’ll uncover fascinating stories at every corner. And brace yourself for a journey through time as you explore the vibrant and enchanting streets adorned with medieval walls. But that’s not all – prepare to be captivated by the mesmerizing flamenco culture that pulsates through the heart of Madrid. Discover why this fiery art form is so deeply ingrained in the city’s soul.
Enjoy Madrid like a local
Visit the best places with an exceptional guide, myself! Del Prado and Reina Sofía Museum, Rastro market, best areas for tapas, San Miguel food market and more… Learn Spanish on the go, not in a cold classroom, get in touch with the locals, live like a local…