See Madrid like a local. Not like a guiri.
Real tapas, cool barrios and secret spots, with a few words of Spanish for every stop. All the things you won't find in a tourist guide.
What locals do (and guiris don't)
- Order like a madrileño → say ¿Me pones una caña? and get served first. Guiris point at the menu and say "one beer, please".
- Real tapas bars → eat standing up where locals eat, and flirt a little with that guapo camarero or guapa camarera. Guiris pay €18 for paella on Plaza Mayor.
- Move like a local → ride the Metro and ask for directions in Spanish. Guiris stand on the left of the escalator.
- Markets & shopping → Sunday at El Rastro, asking prices and bargaining in Spanish. Guiris buy fridge magnets at Sol.
- Cool barrios → vermut in La Latina, terrazas in Malasaña. Spots madrileños don't post on Instagram.
- Spanish SOS → when your brain goes blank, you'll know what to say. No more panic-English.
- A mini conversation for every stop → real moments with real madrileños, not just selfies.
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What you'll find in the guide
28 pages. Every stop comes with a little conversation in Spanish, so you can order, ask and chat like a local, even if your Spanish is tiny.
Speak Spanish
The words you'll actually use, plus the local upgrade: ¿Me pones un café? is exactly how madrileños order.
Getting around
Metro tips and what to say when you ask for directions (and when you don't understand the answer).
Eat
Real tapas in a bar grasiento, standing at the barra, with a mar de servilletas on the floor. Where to go and what to say.
Markets & shopping
Markets and shops where you'll practise ¿Cuánto cuesta? with real people.
Cool barrios
Each barrio with its story, its best streets and the bars where half the city ends up on a Sunday.
Spanish SOS
Lifesaver phrases for when every Spanish word leaves the building. Plus parks, Madrid walks and a 3-day mini plan.
John Green, I still have your clothes.
It was 2008 in Madrid. I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when suddenly a guiri ran out of a laundromat and… well, he grabbed me. Literally dragged me inside, like it was a matter of life and death.
He asked, in a rush: "Do you speak proper English?" And of course I said: "Yes, of course!" (Even after all these years… I'm not so sure about that.)
He didn't speak a word of Spanish and had to catch a flight to London right now. But the lady from the laundromat had his clothes. All his clothes. And he needed them ya mismo, like NOW.
So there I was, acting like some kind of UN interpreter. I explained the situation to the señora, and she told me, not very kindly, that the clothes were still washing and that it was imposible, imposible to open the machine mid-cycle.
"¡No se puede! The underpants are still dirty!"
For John, el guiri confuso, it was life or death. For the señora, it was a washing machine. She was absolutely unshakable, and I failed miserably as a peace negotiator.
Finally, John looked at me and said: "Please, wait for the washing to finish and send it to me." Then came the best part: he gave me money. A lot. Like, all he had on him. A crisp 200 euros. He also gave me his phone number… which I wrote down… badly.
So, John Green (I think that's your name): 17 years later, I still have your clothes. Your laundry is safe. I promise.
And before you think I'm just another Spanish scammer who kept a guiri's money… no, no, no. I'm just a Spanish girl with English confusion.
The moral? A boring Spanish class won't help you in this or any other situation. A few real words, said to real people, will. That's what this guide is for.
Coming to Madrid? Want me to show you around?
I'm a bit rara. I love anecdotes, strange traditions and the little stories that make Madrid unique: crazy bars, food rituals and the stories madrileños tell after dos vinos. Ask me.
- Book a 30-minute Spanish Speaking Roadmap call (symbolic price: $20)
- Tell me about your trip and what you'd love to see
- I'll tell you how I can help, in Madrid or online
Any level of Spanish. Spanglish is welcome.
Don't be a guiri. Get the guide.
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Get my free guide ↑— Monica Bernabe Perez